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Laurence Inman’s Blog

WACK JOB

02-07-2009

You thought you'd heard all the shocking revelations about Michael Jackson? Not quote - Laurence Inman has another one.

I’ve had the Thought Police round three times this week, leaving those annoying reminders on sticky bits of paper in various parts of my brain. If I find out it’s that shifty looking one with the badges I’m going to give him a right kicking. Oh yes.

You know the way they go on.

‘We give you things to think so that you’ll feel mentally and emotionally at home with your fellow-citizens. We do this for you, at great trouble and expense. But you have to go your own sweet way, don’t you ? You have to believe you’re somehow entitled to your own thoughts.’

Apparently it’s not permissible to be totally indifferent to the death of Michael Jackson. Or even refer to him as ‘that dancing Jackson bloke who was nearly a child-molester.’

Well I am indifferent. Totally.

Nearly as much as I was to him before last Thursday.

I would sometimes hear his tinny voice straining out one of his songs and think Well I see what he’s trying to do, but beyond the first thirty seconds am I really that bothered ?

And the dancing: Apart from the money, what’s he doing that for exactly ? Eh ? Eh ?

There was never anything to get with Michael. Never any meat. Never any meaning, basically. It was just a bit of a change from silence. It would do for a minute at most before I wanted silence (my old friend) back.

I’m very much looking forward to the conspiracies. And trying to avoid the word wacky.

On which subject, it is nearly 46 years since John Kennedy was shot.

He definitely was shot. There’s a blurry colour film of the side of his head flying all over the road behind him.

Theories about who planned and did it abound and some of them are very persuasive.

The latest one I’ve seen (on the net) claims that the driver did it.

That’s right. The driver of the car in which the President was sitting.

With any conspiracy, it is always a good idea to imagine the meeting where the plan was first mooted. Let’s imagine there were two of them: Lee and Wayne.

Lee: We’ll do it Friday. He’ll be in Dallas. I know just the place.

Wayne: Sounds good.

Lee: I’ll be behind him, high up. I seem to remember there’s a book repository building there.

Wayne: Brilliant. Where do I go ?

Lee: You’ll love this. The car.

Wayne: What car ?

Lee: His car.

Wayne: The President’s car.

Lee: Don’t look like that. It’s the last thing anyone will expect.

Wayne: They might not expect it, but won’t they notice something wrong when I take my hands off the wheel, pull out my gun and shoot the President in the head ?

Lee: No, because I will fire first. Even if I miss, everyone will turn to look where the shot came from. You’ll have a free run. Trust me.

Wayne: I’m convinced.

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