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Poet's Corner




The Stirrer's poet laureate Brendan Hawthorne has been waiting for the government's swine flu leaflet to land on his doormat.  And now, at last, it has.

I hope the pig flu flyer droppers
Have read the views of the party poppers
Before posting viruses through our door
Perhaps we should all know a little more
About this grossly exaggerated moral panic
Now a few global cases are considered pandemic
And if this leaflet is to improve public relations
How come we only have vaccine for half the nation?
And how will that half be considered
If the rush comes for answers to be delivered?
Will it be by lottery, postcode or straws?
Will it cause fallout or even third world wars?
And does this government know no ends
By encouraging us to set up a few flu friends
To take round medicines, food and supplies?
Is this really good sense because this pig flu flies?
And to go to the doctor’s for someone’s diagnosis
Is set to feed every hypochondriac’s neurosis
And all this advice on the use of tissues
Masks other commonsense and practical issues
Perhaps this publication should have been harder hitting
In stopping people from public spitting
And I fear that we’ll have to have handkerchief inspectors
Who fine people for not covering coughs in certain sectors
And if it all gets confusing in these troubled times
You can always get help from the NHS Swine Line
But be prepared to queue for advice on pig flu tackling
You might just get a menu and a load of crackling

Copyright Brendan Hawthorne 2009



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