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Mick Temple’s Blog



Forth Rail Bridge

The politics professor has been locked in his study for the last fortnight working on his latest book. He can’t imagine that he’s missed much.

I’ve been away for two weeks – perhaps you didn’t notice – finishing my forthcoming book The British Press (published by the Open University Press and appearing soon - that’s the advert out of the way).

So, given that I have been concentrating on my magnum opus, what’s been happening? Not much, I bet.

After all, what could possibly have happened in two short weeks taking my eye off the political football?

The government is hardly likely to have reversed the policy of the last 30 years and started nationalising key parts of the economy. After all, we’re all Thatcherites now, aren’t we?

The leading figure in the long-irrelevant Church of England is not going to say something that actually confronts current thinking and starts a huge debate on politics, multi-culturalism and the law. For example, Sharia law in Britain? Stone me! Well, not literally … but it’s unthinkable!

The government is not likely to let us see early drafts which demonstrate that the dodgy dossier really was the bunch of lies we always thought it was. And even if they did, after Jo Moore’s hideous comments on 9/11, they wouldn’t dare try and ‘bury it’ on a really big news day – say, on a day when they decided to nationalise an ailing bank, as if that would ever happen.

Political unrest in the Balkans won’t have happened – that’s so yesterday’s news. The only thing that could inflame Serbia is, for example, Kosovo declaring independence. And the US and UK wouldn’t approve of that, not after all the trouble we’ve gone to in keeping the peace. Paddy pull your pants up, you’re needed – no, it’s not going to happen.

Why, it’s ridiculous, like suggesting that Fidel Castro would voluntarily let go of power in Cuba! I may be a touch eccentric, but I’m not livin’ la vida loca.

Moving to more important issues, Stoke City are never going to be top of the Championship and looking like outperforming those ‘automatic promotion favourites’, the high-flying, ‘we yam better than Brazil’, Baggies.

And of course, at the risk of stating the obvious, they’ll never finish painting the Forth Bridge.

If any of these things happened, I’d be able to use my favourite Littlejohn expression, because you really ‘couldn’t make it up’. It’s good to be back.

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