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PUNCH DRUNK

29-12-2006

Is alcoholism just a booze-fuelled fantasy? Laurence Inman reckons so...but then he also claims he can solve your nicotine addiction too. And you thought Father Christmas had already been for this year.

Thank God it's over for another year.

The pointless expense, the inconvenience, the boredom, the mess, the eating of stuff you can't really stand, the endless cooking and washing up, the false jollity and just the general crassness of it all, the fact that we're all forced to do it!

But apart from that I had a great time.

Now there's just this week of indescribable tedium before New Year to get through and we're thankfully back to normal.

At least I don't have to go through the grief of swearing to start a new life, and failing miserably a few days into January; I sorted all that out years ago.

I have not smoked a cigarette for nearly twenty years and even now, not a day goes by that I am not swollen with gratitude at the thought that I don't have to wrestle with the weight of that dreadful burden: being addicted to something and feeling powerless to escape its grasp.

I have not touched alcohol since I woke up one morning thinking: ‘I feel dreadful, and it's cost me fifteen bob to achieve this. What's the point ?'

Getting free of smoking was, in the end, fairly easy. After having tried to quit many times, starting in my early twenties, I managed at last to find the right mind-set to get me through the first crucial weeks and since then it's been fine. In fact, if you're interested in my ‘method' I'd be glad to send you the single A4 sheet which contains my psychological ‘secret'.

You don't pay anything for this, but if it works you send me the cash you would have spent on fags for the first month. Most people send the money - a fact which still astonishes me!

The big problem with smoking, as every smoker knows, is that it is a serious physiological addiction. If you don't smoke, you suffer, physically and psychologically. This is because nicotine is an addictive substance, every bit as difficult to kick as opiate drugs.

Alcohol, on the other hand, is easy to discard, because it is not an addictive substance.

This might seem a large claim, but it is true: There is no such thing as alcoholism. There is only drinking, more or less.

One only has to think about this for ten seconds to see that it's true: If drinking is addictive, why aren't all drinkers addicted ?

The people who benefit from the idea that you can be addicted to drink are the people who make and sell the stuff. Their achievement is brilliant really. They've got everybody, including governments, thinking that it's quite acceptable to flog a dangerous drug, which kills hundred of thousands every year, openly and on nearly every street corner.

All over the world, people who are slowly killing themselves, damaging their relationships with others, destroying their children's happiness and confidence and generally adding to the sum of misery in the world through drinking. But they are always able to say to themselves: I can go a day, two days, a week without it - this proves I am not an alcoholic!

The fantasy of alcoholism thus enables them to carry on with their ruinous behaviour, and the drinks industry to carry on raking in their millions on the back of it.

Now that would be a good resolution: don't give these crooks and pushers another penny.

Anyone want to try Laurence's smoking cure? Just drop a line to editor@thestirrer.com And what do you make of his claim that alcoholism doesn't really exist? Leave a comment on our message board.

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