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Think you get a raw deal from your local council? Not if you live in one particular road in Birmingham you don't. As Laurence Inman reports, for residents there nothing but the best will do…

Amesbury Road

Life just keeps getting better and better for the lucky few who live in Amesbury Road, Moseley.

I have discovered that the paving slabs they had laid down as an early Christmas present last year were not just any old paving slabs (see my earlier article here).

Oh no, they were vintage 1930's paving slabs! (Even as I'm typing this, I can hardly believe it.) So were the kerbstones. And when original 1930's slabs and kerbs could not be found, replicas were made specially!

But it gets better. Last Monday the latest LibDem propaganda sheet dropped through my letter box.

There on the front page was a photograph of the delightful Councillor Emily Cox, spade in hand, digging the first sod in a long line of holes stretching the length of Amesbury Road.

You've guessed it. Now they're having trees planted. Along both sides of the road. Even though one side of the road is taken up with the lush green grounds of Moseley Hall Hospital, where you can't move for trees.

And the Lib Dems are boasting about it in their newsletter!

I e-mailed Ms Cox asking if she herself lived on Amesbury Road. Or perhaps she knows someone who lives there. So far the silence from her has been resounding.

I think I know what might be going on here. It is all an elaborate experiment conducted by the Lib Dems: the Amesbury Road Spending Experiment (ARSE) and its purpose is simple: to see how far they can go before people realise how much they've been conned and how insane things have become.

In fact, I think all political parties have their equivalent of ARSE. Tony certainly does, and he's getting out before it's exposed for all to see.

In the meantime, on behalf of our three Lib Dem councillors, I would like to assure readers that there is no truth in any of the following rumours:

Pavements in Amesbury Road are to be dug up again and replaced by original Victorian ones, (with nice swirly designs on them like you see on windows in Christmas cards,) and also have undersoil heating pipes installed so that residents' driveways don't get frosty in the winter.

Fairy lights are to be hung on the new saplings so they think it's Christmas every day.

Special teams of Council waker-uppers (one team per household) will rouse residents from their slumbers every morning with Ray Connif-style renditions of Vera Lynn's greatest hits.

Pavements in other areas of the ward will be made flat enough to walk on and we'll all live happily together in a big house made of gingerbread.

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