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GONE PAINTBALLIN’

05-02-2010

Birmingham

Done Dublin? Bored with Barcelona? ‘Ad it with Amsterdam? If you’re looking for a stag weekend with a difference it seems the next boom town is a bit closer to home.

I was looking on the internet, and God knows how, but I came across a load of websites offering to organise stag weekends. Now, I can remember when stag nights consisted of standing in a pub getting hammered, the lucky groom being ritually embarrassed by a stripogram, then off to any club you could all get into (someone always knew a doorman somewhere), with Indian optional .

But it’s big business now, and for some unfathomable reason weddings aren’t complete without a prior weekend devoted to doing manly things then getting drunk in some exotic location.

Anyway, there I was, idly surfing when I saw that there seemed a lot of these events taking place in Birmingham, for some reason. My curiosity aroused, I looked further.

There’s all sorts of things to do. You can go paintballing then go to a lapdancing club. You can go paintballing then for a balti. You can go paintballing then off to a comedy club. Or maybe paintballing then a night club, presumably one where there are no laps, dancers or comedians.

Or if paintball’s not your scene there’s karting. And yes, you can do that with all of the above nocturnal pursuits. If you really want to push the boat out you could go paintballing, karting AND round the night off in a lap dancing establishment, providing you’ve still got the energy.

Maybe I’m getting too old, But what, pray tell, is the attraction in shelling out a hundred quid or more to play armies (like we used to do in the infants), then go off to look at half-naked women while paying ridiculous prices for drinks, before falling asleep in a second-rate hotel? And no matter how much we might be improving the city, Broad Street isn’t Las Ramblas and the Bullring’s no Fifth Avenue.

I’m trying to work out what sort of mentality would want to do this sort of thing willingly and I’m getting a horrible mental picture of Jeremy Clarkson. Please, VisitBirmingham, tell them to go away.

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